Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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