Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
