I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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