I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
