you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
