Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
