Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
