like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
