The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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