what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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