I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
