CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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