So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
