I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
