evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
