im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
