My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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