By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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