The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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