Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
