who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
