someone get that fucking seahorse.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
