4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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