WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
