the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
