How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
