you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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