your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
