remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
