I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
