I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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