dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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