She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
