Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
