ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
