When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
