i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
