where does the pee come out of this thing
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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