Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She's the barista slut.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
