Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
