A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
