Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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