U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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