I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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