You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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