Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
