he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You ate ashes out of my bong
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
