it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
