I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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