i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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