I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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