The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
