This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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