I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
