he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
