Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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