I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
