so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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