Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
