she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
