You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
