she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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